Can’t Eat Won’t Eat

picture of hands holding papier mache burgerAs a vegetarian there is a very long list of things I will not eat. Beef, pork, chicken and turkey are all no-nos, as are mussels, snails and calamari. And fish. If I tell you I’m vegetarian, why on earth do you think I might eat fish? I’ll make it simple for you: if it has a face, I don’t eat it.

Slightly less obvious are things which contain gelatine – marshmallows and jelly babies to name two. But my list of inconsumables doesn’t end there. In fact at the very top of that list are burgers made from papier mâché.

This post is part of the 100 Word (only 50 word this week!) Challenge for Grown-Ups at Julia’s Place. One day I will learn to take the prompt a little less literally. And just so people don’t get the wrong idea, I think I should state that I’m not really vegetarian 🙂

When you’ve done your 50 words this week, why not have a go at the 140 character Halloween story competition at Birmingham Ghost Walks? It looks as if Ventahl is going to win….. unless any of you are brave enough to take him on? Only 1 week left – it closes at midnight on Halloween.

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21 Responses to Can’t Eat Won’t Eat

  1. Lynda says:

    I really thought you were describing you there! A quirky little twist at the end, making it all the better.

  2. Dughall McCormick says:

    Oh yes! I find papier mache particularly indigestible too.

  3. Anna Halford says:

    heh heh heh, love your (literal) take on the prompt Sarah-Jayne. A wise move, I would say, to not eat papier mache! Love it.

  4. sjbteaching says:

    Thanks Lynda, Dughall and Anna. One day I hope to write a piece that doesn’t take the prompt so literally….but I don’t think my brain works that way. Maybe I will have to try getting someone else to interpret it for me.

  5. Good to know where a vegetarian stands. Do you eat tuna as it doesn’t have a face but comes in a tin? (I know it isn’t you, just being silly).

    • sjbteaching says:

      Tuna is definitely allowed but only if it’s in a tin! I might not be a veggie, but what I wrote is true in that if it has a face I won’t eat it. Give me a piece of fish that still has a head on and I can’t eat it, but mash it up and put it in a tin and oh yum!

  6. Bill Dameron says:


    This was really funny. I really enjoyed it!

  7. Robin Hawke says:

    A good mix of humor with teaching…

    I imagine if you don’t eat faces, you don’t eat hands either?


  8. GSussex says:

    Very convincing! Pleased your eating is not that restricted : )

  9. Lisa Wields Words says:

    There’s nothing wrong with taking it literally. Great work.

  10. Andy wts says:

    I really thought you were revealing another side to us, glad you are a carnivore like me – I wil eat it, even if it has got a head after several camping trips and complaining stomach cramps in the wilderness convinced me to appreciate whatever was available was fair game. Roooaaaaarrrr! But ifyou joined me, Id be sure to mash it up before taking it back to camp! Good job with prompt, am out of touch in norfolk visiting folks so living in dark ages for a week with daughter while mum and son are in dubai! will be better connected next wk. However, do have prompt, so wil make a go of it but might be last to post as will have to visit same cafe again before I leave! By the way, answer to last weeks riddle is …… A SUNSET (see my blog and answer to julias comment).

    • sjbteaching says:

      Camping in the wilderness? I think I’ll leave you to it! I’m definitely a hotel/bed&breakfast sort of a girl. Did camping when I was younger and am really pleased to have left it all behind. I like my little luxuries in life… not having to go outside to go to the toilet.

      Hope you’re having a good time in Norfolk (land of my childhood holidays!).

  11. susankmann says:

    Really enjoyed this, great points and good humour x

  12. Alison Green says:

    Loved the twist! You had me convinced, a clever piece of writing.

  13. sjbteaching says:

    Thanks Susan and Alison.

  14. Julia says:

    I was truly hooked with this one! I was worried that you were going to collect your quork & leave the challenge! Phew!! I loved it. I was beginning to wonder what you were about to eat after that list!

  15. I have eaten burgers that taste as though they are made from papier mache. Great take on this prompt, it made be believe you really were a vegetarian. I was beginning to think they were the only people to participate 🙂

  16. sjbteaching says:

    Thanks Julia and Ronnie. I’m pleased I convinced so many people. I do have a lot of friends who are vegan (so add to that list no eggs, no cheese, no butter….) so I think I probably picked up on the tone for the piece from them.

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